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Entry tags:
it stops tonight - 3
pg | chanyeol / xiumin ; & other members
abo au
summary: chanyeol loses his memory but he's working hard at getting his life back. he's almost there and yet... he feels like something is missing.
+++
There are things that Chanyeol doesn't tell Kyungsoo. Regardless of whether or not Chanyeol tries to forcefully remember, he can't control his dreams.
In his dreams, there aren't figures or even objects that he sees clearly. All he dreams of is a strong scent. There are hints of sweetness, of citrus, and of the woods that Chanyeol used to tromp through as a pup. It's an odd mixture of familiarity and enticement. He feels his heart beating faster, tugging toward the heart of the scent, and at the same time, there's a pang that no amount of sighing will get rid of.
When he wakes up, the scent is gone. Everything about the dream is gone except for the pang in his chest - that stays with him. He clutches at his heart, breathing heavily. Pushing the sheets back, Chanyeol gets up from the bed. The blinds clatter angrily as he pulls the cord and the moon shines through the window.
The night air and the moonlight calm Chanyeol down a bit. His forehead touches the sill as he leans into the pane to breathe in the cool air. The glow of the moon brightens his skin, somehow warming his insides. There's something there. He feels the tug in his brain - a memory.
But just like that, the moonlight fades, morning comes, and the memory is gone.
+++
Training is all Chanyeol can do these days. Not only is he behind two years of experience, but when he goes into the cafeteria or anywhere that isn't his own room, he feels the stares.
Junmyeon's awkward attempts at "normal" conversation taper off because Chanyeol can't remember anything. Jongin seems to have some kind of cold war going on with him, as he just stares holes into Chanyeol with those soul piercing eyes of his. He seems mad at something, but Chanyeol doesn't have the courage to ask what it is. At least, not yet.
Sehun is the only one that Chanyeol actually wants to talk to. After all, he'd spent most of his childhood caring for the younger boy. But approaching Sehun, all Chanyeol sees is the pity and sadness in Sehun's eyes, even through the younger boy's stoic demeanor.
Kyungsoo's the only one he holds conversations with now, but it's only during his trips to the medical ward. And then, there's Minseok. Minseok who oversees the trainees with martial arts training... Minseok who smells of calming spearmint and helps Chanyeol gently, but not patronizingly. It's only during training that Chanyeol can momentarily forget that he's the freak who lost his memory...the abomination, who can't even remember how he did so in the first place.
+++
However, it is true that no man can be an island. And soon, Chanyeol finds himself craving normality, craving the touch of another. He seeks Baekhyun and Jongdae out on his own. They had been giving him some space, but now, Chanyeol joins them at the cafeteria for meals. He jokes about his mistakes during practice and teases Jongdae about his new hair style.
Jongdae pouts, "Minseok hyung said it suited me!"
Baekhyun laughs, "He said you smell like roses too, huh?" Baekhyun mimes waving a nasty smell from his nose. "You say you're a beta, but you smell like peppers!"
Jongdae blushes at the mention of his being a beta.
"It's not my fault!" Jongdae shouts, embarrassed. "I was helping Kyungsoo hyung organize his experiments!"
"Speaking of Kyungsoo hyung..."
Baekhyun makes a hilarious impression of Kyungsoo and Chanyeol laughs along with the rest of them. And in the midst of the comforting camaraderie, Chanyeol supposes there's not too much of a difference between eighteen and twenty after all.
Junmyeon's awkwardness becomes more bearable after more of Baekhyun's impressions and even Kyungsoo's consultations are something to look forward to, as Chanyeol brags about his own progress of assimilating.
Next, he asks Jongin and Sehun to play video games and they do so all night long. And even though Jongin doesn't say much, Chanyeol relaxes as they fall into a familiar kind of silence while Sehun chatters on about his day and how he'd discovered a new scent lurking around his locker room.
"I think I have a secret admirer" Sehun says boastingly.
And both Chanyeol and Jongin throw cushions at him.
Things fall into a kind of normalcy.. the kind that Chanyeol had been craving. But two things remain true. One, his memories still don't come back. And two, he can't shake the feeling that something is missing.
"Chanyeol-ah, you missed a whole step in the formation."
Chanyeol's head jerks up as his eyes focus on Minseok's. The rest of the class is crowded around the water fountain for the break and Minseok is looking at Chanyeol, worried.
"Sorry hyung. I didn't mean to space out."
Minseok's spearmint scent creeps up his nose again. Though their society frowns on asking about the status of their being, it is obvious to Chanyeol that Minseok is an omega. As an alpha, Chanyeol knows hones in Minseok's omega scent more particularly. Minseok's scent makes his head kind of cloudy and Chanyeol wonders if Minseok's spearmint is affecting other alphas as much as it's affecting him.
"Chanyeol-ah?" Minseok waves his small hand in front of Chanyeol's face. "Hello? Earth to Chanyeol..."
"Oh... was I...?"
"Yeah... you were doing it again" Minseok laughs, patting a hand on Chanyeol's shoulder.
Chanyeol jumps, but Minseok smiles again.
"Don't worry, Chanyeol" Minseok says. "Take it slow. Don't work yourself too hard. You have dark circles, you know."
Chanyeol reaches up to touch the skin below his eyes. He had been waking up from his dreams and staring at the moonlight, willing himself to remember... just remember. He bows his head and stares at his feet.
Minseok draws nearer and, though Chanyeol can't see Minseok's face, Chanyeol knows that there's worry etched in Minseok's eyes. Minseok doesn't say anything, but instead walks away a short distance. In that short moment, Chanyeol almost misses Minseok's hand on his shoulder.
"Alright, class is dismissed early today!" Minseok announces to the trainees.
There are sounds of cheering and thank you's from the rest of the trainees, causing Minseok to laugh good-naturedly.
"Just don't tell Junmyeon!" Minseok calls after them. "Don't want our pack leader-to-be to demote me."
Chanyeol's eyes grow big.
"Junmyeon hyung is the next leader?!" Chanyeol asks, forgetting about his former mood.
"Yeah" laughs Minseok. "Didn't he tell you?"
Chanyeol shakes his head. Suddenly, he feels the loss of two years very distinctly and it makes him feel... odd. But here is Minseok and though this hyung isn't like Junmyeon, Chanyeol feels the comfort radiating off of Minseok.
"Hyung..." Chanyeol begins. "Do you think I'll ever be... normal?"
Minseok looks up at Chanyeol. Minseok is a smaller person as well as a smaller wolf and standing so close to Minseok, Chanyeol feels the difference in height. So does, perhaps, Minseok, who pulls him down to sit on the floor of the practice room.
Chanyeol gulps as Minseok leans in, a hand smaller than Chanyeol's own patting him on the knee.
"Chanyeol-ah, you are normal."
"..."
"You are" Minseok insists. "You just forgot a few things, that's all. And in a few months, you'll be reminded of them. And you'll be the kind, happy virus that you always were."
Chanyeol looks at Minseok, who's smiling encouragingly. And Minseok's smile is so warm and Chanyeol feels so distanced and so isolated right now that he unknowingly leans into it. He draws in a breath and builds something up in his chest, like he's about to say something...anything. But Chanyeol doesn't know what he wants to say. All he knows is that he needs Minseok to be close. He needs to smell him close and for some reason, the strong spearmint aura surrounding Chanyeol isn't enough. It isn't right.
And just as this thought confuses him, Jongin walks in the door.
"Hyung...are you -"
Jongin stops short when he sees Minseok sitting close together with Chanyeol on the ground. Jongin's brows furrow almost instantly and there's displeasure written across Jongin's face.
Chanyeol leans back slowly and looks at Minseok. Minseok is looking at Jongin, who's walking towards them. And for that moment, annoyance pierces Chanyeol's chest. Why is Minseok looking at Jongin? Why isn't Minseok looking at him?
And when Jongin grabs Minseok's wrist to pull him up, Chanyeol leaps up in reaction. Chanyeol catches himself before he starts a tug of war with Minseok as the rope.
"Chanyeol and I were just talking..." Minseok tells Jongin.
Minseok chuckles, patting Jongin on the hand, because Jongin is still glaring at Chanyeol like he's done something wrong. Righting Jongin's hand in his, Minseok pulls him toward the door.
"Come on, I heard there's chicken in the cafeteria!"
Minseok turns to look at Chanyeol.
"You too, Chanyeol. Let's go! Practice is over."
Jongin begrudgingly leaves the practice room with Minseok, leaving Chanyeol behind in an empty room. And though Chanyeol had heard Minseok's call, he's left behind still confused, and with no answer.
################
how do you tell
someone you love
them,
when you really
truly
love them?
abo au
summary: chanyeol loses his memory but he's working hard at getting his life back. he's almost there and yet... he feels like something is missing.
깊어진 하루 틈 사이 너는 조용히 다가와
in the space between the deepening day, you silently come to me
어둠을 걷어내고 나의 잠을 깨워
you uncover the darkness and wake me from my slumber
그리곤 멀어져 열린 창문 저 너머로
then, you get farther from me over the open window
또 길을 잃었나, 넌, 넌, 넌.
again i lose my way, and you, you, you
밤공기가 아직 차가워 일어나
the night air is still cold, wake up
So, baby, hold on 널 혼자 두기가
So baby hold on, to leave you alone
난 걱정이 돼 거릴 두고 너의 뒤를 따라가
is worrying, so i follow a few steps behind you
+++
There are things that Chanyeol doesn't tell Kyungsoo. Regardless of whether or not Chanyeol tries to forcefully remember, he can't control his dreams.
In his dreams, there aren't figures or even objects that he sees clearly. All he dreams of is a strong scent. There are hints of sweetness, of citrus, and of the woods that Chanyeol used to tromp through as a pup. It's an odd mixture of familiarity and enticement. He feels his heart beating faster, tugging toward the heart of the scent, and at the same time, there's a pang that no amount of sighing will get rid of.
When he wakes up, the scent is gone. Everything about the dream is gone except for the pang in his chest - that stays with him. He clutches at his heart, breathing heavily. Pushing the sheets back, Chanyeol gets up from the bed. The blinds clatter angrily as he pulls the cord and the moon shines through the window.
The night air and the moonlight calm Chanyeol down a bit. His forehead touches the sill as he leans into the pane to breathe in the cool air. The glow of the moon brightens his skin, somehow warming his insides. There's something there. He feels the tug in his brain - a memory.
But just like that, the moonlight fades, morning comes, and the memory is gone.
+++
Training is all Chanyeol can do these days. Not only is he behind two years of experience, but when he goes into the cafeteria or anywhere that isn't his own room, he feels the stares.
Junmyeon's awkward attempts at "normal" conversation taper off because Chanyeol can't remember anything. Jongin seems to have some kind of cold war going on with him, as he just stares holes into Chanyeol with those soul piercing eyes of his. He seems mad at something, but Chanyeol doesn't have the courage to ask what it is. At least, not yet.
Sehun is the only one that Chanyeol actually wants to talk to. After all, he'd spent most of his childhood caring for the younger boy. But approaching Sehun, all Chanyeol sees is the pity and sadness in Sehun's eyes, even through the younger boy's stoic demeanor.
Kyungsoo's the only one he holds conversations with now, but it's only during his trips to the medical ward. And then, there's Minseok. Minseok who oversees the trainees with martial arts training... Minseok who smells of calming spearmint and helps Chanyeol gently, but not patronizingly. It's only during training that Chanyeol can momentarily forget that he's the freak who lost his memory...the abomination, who can't even remember how he did so in the first place.
+++
However, it is true that no man can be an island. And soon, Chanyeol finds himself craving normality, craving the touch of another. He seeks Baekhyun and Jongdae out on his own. They had been giving him some space, but now, Chanyeol joins them at the cafeteria for meals. He jokes about his mistakes during practice and teases Jongdae about his new hair style.
Jongdae pouts, "Minseok hyung said it suited me!"
Baekhyun laughs, "He said you smell like roses too, huh?" Baekhyun mimes waving a nasty smell from his nose. "You say you're a beta, but you smell like peppers!"
Jongdae blushes at the mention of his being a beta.
"It's not my fault!" Jongdae shouts, embarrassed. "I was helping Kyungsoo hyung organize his experiments!"
"Speaking of Kyungsoo hyung..."
Baekhyun makes a hilarious impression of Kyungsoo and Chanyeol laughs along with the rest of them. And in the midst of the comforting camaraderie, Chanyeol supposes there's not too much of a difference between eighteen and twenty after all.
Junmyeon's awkwardness becomes more bearable after more of Baekhyun's impressions and even Kyungsoo's consultations are something to look forward to, as Chanyeol brags about his own progress of assimilating.
Next, he asks Jongin and Sehun to play video games and they do so all night long. And even though Jongin doesn't say much, Chanyeol relaxes as they fall into a familiar kind of silence while Sehun chatters on about his day and how he'd discovered a new scent lurking around his locker room.
"I think I have a secret admirer" Sehun says boastingly.
And both Chanyeol and Jongin throw cushions at him.
Things fall into a kind of normalcy.. the kind that Chanyeol had been craving. But two things remain true. One, his memories still don't come back. And two, he can't shake the feeling that something is missing.
"Chanyeol-ah, you missed a whole step in the formation."
Chanyeol's head jerks up as his eyes focus on Minseok's. The rest of the class is crowded around the water fountain for the break and Minseok is looking at Chanyeol, worried.
"Sorry hyung. I didn't mean to space out."
Minseok's spearmint scent creeps up his nose again. Though their society frowns on asking about the status of their being, it is obvious to Chanyeol that Minseok is an omega. As an alpha, Chanyeol knows hones in Minseok's omega scent more particularly. Minseok's scent makes his head kind of cloudy and Chanyeol wonders if Minseok's spearmint is affecting other alphas as much as it's affecting him.
"Chanyeol-ah?" Minseok waves his small hand in front of Chanyeol's face. "Hello? Earth to Chanyeol..."
"Oh... was I...?"
"Yeah... you were doing it again" Minseok laughs, patting a hand on Chanyeol's shoulder.
Chanyeol jumps, but Minseok smiles again.
"Don't worry, Chanyeol" Minseok says. "Take it slow. Don't work yourself too hard. You have dark circles, you know."
Chanyeol reaches up to touch the skin below his eyes. He had been waking up from his dreams and staring at the moonlight, willing himself to remember... just remember. He bows his head and stares at his feet.
Minseok draws nearer and, though Chanyeol can't see Minseok's face, Chanyeol knows that there's worry etched in Minseok's eyes. Minseok doesn't say anything, but instead walks away a short distance. In that short moment, Chanyeol almost misses Minseok's hand on his shoulder.
"Alright, class is dismissed early today!" Minseok announces to the trainees.
There are sounds of cheering and thank you's from the rest of the trainees, causing Minseok to laugh good-naturedly.
"Just don't tell Junmyeon!" Minseok calls after them. "Don't want our pack leader-to-be to demote me."
Chanyeol's eyes grow big.
"Junmyeon hyung is the next leader?!" Chanyeol asks, forgetting about his former mood.
"Yeah" laughs Minseok. "Didn't he tell you?"
Chanyeol shakes his head. Suddenly, he feels the loss of two years very distinctly and it makes him feel... odd. But here is Minseok and though this hyung isn't like Junmyeon, Chanyeol feels the comfort radiating off of Minseok.
"Hyung..." Chanyeol begins. "Do you think I'll ever be... normal?"
Minseok looks up at Chanyeol. Minseok is a smaller person as well as a smaller wolf and standing so close to Minseok, Chanyeol feels the difference in height. So does, perhaps, Minseok, who pulls him down to sit on the floor of the practice room.
Chanyeol gulps as Minseok leans in, a hand smaller than Chanyeol's own patting him on the knee.
"Chanyeol-ah, you are normal."
"..."
"You are" Minseok insists. "You just forgot a few things, that's all. And in a few months, you'll be reminded of them. And you'll be the kind, happy virus that you always were."
Chanyeol looks at Minseok, who's smiling encouragingly. And Minseok's smile is so warm and Chanyeol feels so distanced and so isolated right now that he unknowingly leans into it. He draws in a breath and builds something up in his chest, like he's about to say something...anything. But Chanyeol doesn't know what he wants to say. All he knows is that he needs Minseok to be close. He needs to smell him close and for some reason, the strong spearmint aura surrounding Chanyeol isn't enough. It isn't right.
And just as this thought confuses him, Jongin walks in the door.
"Hyung...are you -"
Jongin stops short when he sees Minseok sitting close together with Chanyeol on the ground. Jongin's brows furrow almost instantly and there's displeasure written across Jongin's face.
Chanyeol leans back slowly and looks at Minseok. Minseok is looking at Jongin, who's walking towards them. And for that moment, annoyance pierces Chanyeol's chest. Why is Minseok looking at Jongin? Why isn't Minseok looking at him?
And when Jongin grabs Minseok's wrist to pull him up, Chanyeol leaps up in reaction. Chanyeol catches himself before he starts a tug of war with Minseok as the rope.
"Chanyeol and I were just talking..." Minseok tells Jongin.
Minseok chuckles, patting Jongin on the hand, because Jongin is still glaring at Chanyeol like he's done something wrong. Righting Jongin's hand in his, Minseok pulls him toward the door.
"Come on, I heard there's chicken in the cafeteria!"
Minseok turns to look at Chanyeol.
"You too, Chanyeol. Let's go! Practice is over."
Jongin begrudgingly leaves the practice room with Minseok, leaving Chanyeol behind in an empty room. And though Chanyeol had heard Minseok's call, he's left behind still confused, and with no answer.
################
how do you tell
someone you love
them,
when you really
truly
love them?